Navigating the black hole of no feedback

Today:

5 am: Awakening is happening. I feel sick in the pit of my stomach at the thought of dealing with life.

5:30 – 7:00: Exercise. Nothing thrilling, but hey, at least I made it to the gym and did some cardio.  The world always looks better after exercise. Maybe today will be ok.

7:00 – 10:00: Miscellaneous stuff irrelevant to this story.

10:00 – 10:30:  Check e-mail.  Nothing from any possible employer.  Feel depressed.  Click on job alert to find a posting that looks promising.  Except for those three areas in which I have no experience.  Is it worth applying anyway?

10:30 – 10:45: Look at non-academic job postings on Indeed.  Find that one that looked interesting yesterday.  Do a quick browsing of the company’s website.  Awesome! I want to work here.

10:45 – 12:45: Write cover letter for Interesting Job in City Where I Want to Be.  I have qualifications!  I have experience!  I am a creative thinker!  I am flexible!  I am a fast learner!  I want to work for you!  Yes, I can do this!

1:00:  Apply to job.

1:01: I bet there was a typo on my resumé.

1:02: Did I really say that in my cover letter?

1:03: They’ll be able to tell I’m qualified, won’t they? Surely they will.  I mean all the terms are right there.  I even used the language of the job ad in the cover letter. They’ve got to like me!

1:05: Check e-mail.  Read automated verification that assures me I’ll be contacted if HR thinks there might be a match.  Drat HR.  I bet they won’t appreciate my cover letter.  It seemed like a small enough company that the cover letter might be seen by relevant people before being weeded out.  Sigh.

1:06: Slough of despond.

1:10: Check e-mail.  No message from any possible employer.

3:30: Sun!  Wow, sunshine really does make a difference.

4:00: Check e-mail.  Still nothing from any possible employer.

4:05: Slough of despond, somewhat mitigated by sunshine.

What is really getting to me today is the total lack of feedback.  I tailor resumés and cover letters and send them out into a gaping void where they become part of a mass of anonymous job materials.  Nothing.  It is now late March, which means that I have three more months of employment.  Three more paychecks.  Nothing like putting a small number on things to turn up the panic dial.   I wish I knew if I’d already been rejected, and from what.  For the applications I sent two or three weeks ago, maybe I should assume that I have.  For the applications I sent last week, maybe there’s still a chance?  Perhaps I shouldn’t presume they’ve rejected me quite yet.  Some of the posting are still open.  For the applications sent yesterday and today, I can’t hope to know anything for… a while.  How long is a while?  I wish I knew.

I wish I knew if my applications were being ditched at first glance.  Then I could find some help and alter them.

I wish I knew if my applications were considered by a hiring committee for, say, five minutes.  I’d like to know why I was passed over in that case–maybe I should have highlighted different skills?

I wish I knew if I were aiming too high, too low, or about right.

I wish I could tell from a job ad whether my extra experience in X will make up for having no direct experience in Y.

I wish I knew if my application made it to the eyes of the person actually choosing, and if so, why they rejected me.  What should I have done differently?

I know absolutely nothing.  In most cases I never will know anything about my application.  I really have no idea if I’m on the right track and simply need to keep doing what I’m doing, if I’m way off, if I just need a slight adjustment, if I should give up on my targeted career area altogether and try something else…  Maybe the end of March is a kind of slump period.  There is still at least one fellowship out there that probably hasn’t started seriously evaluating applications yet, according to the program’s own administrators.  I’d like to hold out hope for that one, although in this market, it’s unwise to hope for anything.  Maybe silence two to three weeks after submitting a job application is no cause for worry.  Maybe I’ll start getting a lot of calls next week.  Or the week after.  Maybe companies move slowly.  Maybe they have to keep jobs open for a certain amount of time and I applied at the beginning of that period.  Maybe the hiring person is on holiday.  Maybe I shouldn’t expect anything during Holy Week (I have applied to a few institutions with religious affiliation).  In most cases, there is simply no way of knowing what ever happened to my carefully crafted expression of interest in contributing my skills to the success of the hiring institution, a place I had never previously heard of and probably will never hear of again. Few things are as frustrating as a total lack of information.

It’s damned irritating.

And depressing.